Get it Off Me!!

Here's something different; a man is out walking, minding his own business. Said man decides a beer run is in order. After a stop at an ATM, this man, (I believe Ron was his name), is off in search of spirits when he is struck from behind by human feces. Yes, the dreaded poop grenade.

Now I have to interject here; being of the male gender, anything that comes from a butt crack is bound to make me laugh. So as I read this article, I began to chuckle, thinking what a funny visual this would be; a man being struck suddenly from behind on the neck by what would seem to be the pterodactyl of turds, a gargantuine beast of prehistoric proportions. But the story doesn't end there.....moments later two women approach the man, saying they had seen someone "excreting" off a roof nearby. The two women then began to assist the man in cleaning up, using some paper towels they had with them.

Here's where I begin to get suspicious; how many of you know a woman who would wipe a writhing food baby off your back? Much less one who's creator remained unknown! I don't know many women who would clean up Matthew McConaughey's shat, much less some random person who would back one out on a total stranger. Red flag, Ron! Get home quick and wipe up that butt mud yourself.

But Ron, being a bit shell shocked, doesn't think twice about it. So what happens? As Ron heads off for his beer run, being ever more in need of it, he reaches into his pocket and realizes he has been robbed. Nice. Broke and fudge dipped.

But here's my real question; what kind of woman will do all that for 60 dollars?? That was their big pull! 60 big ones! Wow. For crying out loud, why not throw a milkshake, some REGULAR mud, or just a big rock! I for one am not about to wipe a loaf off some dude for 60 bucks, especially when I could do something more productive, like eat my own scabs. These are the kind of people who you hope might get a plastic bag wrapped over their face by accident, or fall into a vat of toenails.

The world is full of winners.